a sense of profound peace

I've given a lot of thought lately to what's going on around me.  It's not that i'm overly sensitive, because anyone now a days has got to be affected by all this, but i  keep having the feeling that things are going to get a lot worse before they get better.

One of the things that bothers me most is that an awful lot of people just don't care about their neighbors anymore, neighbors meaning neighbors on this planet.  If they did we'd be in a much better place.  There's so much sadness all around me.  And anger.  Who could not be affected when they see visions of children being ripped away from their parents every time they turn on the news.  My husband and I argued about this - he thinks it's all a show and I think it's really happening.  I asked him that even if it is a show, what must the people doing this be thinking to portray so much horror to other people?  That's just as disturbing to me.

I don't get the disconnect between everyone anymore.  We don't care about each other, we don't care about the planet, we don't care much about anything except us.  If it doesn't affect me personally, I don't give a shit about it.  Plain and simple.What happened to us?  It never used to be this way.

A lot of people tend to be angry and are isolating themselves so as not to have to deal with other people, even their friends.  If they don't engage with them they can't be hurt.  They won't see what's going on in the world.  They can safely put their heads in the sand and no one will be the wiser.

I wonder what would happen if they sat down in a quiet room for a few minutes and just let their thoughts come to them and see where that takes them.  Would they see anything different about their lives?   Will they ask for help in sorting through all the garbage we carry around with us.  It's not a bad thing - we all do it- and a lot of us ask for help when it gets to that point.

I sit here and I wish that my life was filled with a message of enduring peace.  I want to help people see the future that I wish for them  I'll do this, for sure, but it probably won't be in the manner I or anyone else expect.  And when I do, I hope someone will receive a sense of  peace from it.

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Tonight I'm thinking in one sense how lucky I am that I have a roof over my head and food to eat, and on the other hand I'm thinking that at the rate this country is going, it might all disappear at any time and I'll be homeless.  I mean I honestly think that's a possibility.  I'm not an alarmist, but I see what's happening and it scares the hell out of me.  The one side of me wishes that everyone would get along and find common ground and the other side of me is saying it's not going to happen and this country will be a third world country before we know it.  I'm discouraged beyond belief with the health care system here in the  US and I'll write about that one of these days, but as bad as it is right now, at least I have health care coverage.  With all the proposed cuts in the system I'm not sure what our coverage will look like this time next year.  There's a whole class of people who are retired and depend on their medicare and if that disappears I don't know what we'll do.  Same thing with social security or our pensions from past employers.  We have a set income and when expenses exceed that we're in a heap of trouble.

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Good Morning, or is it?

It seems like every day I wake up and the news continues to find ways to bring me down.  I work so damn hard at keeping my head above water and yet, one headline can bring me down.  The sight of children being torn from their families brings me to a new depth.  Yes, there are two sides to every story, and true, things may not be exactly as they seem - but that too brings me to despair.  That two warring parties (dems vs. repubs) could work so fuckin' hard to lie to people makes me angry because all that energy could be used to make things better.  This country is at a crossroad I think and the direction that we go in, if we're not careful, can lead to the death of America as we know it.  We've already decided that there's no such thing as Climate Change and the administration is doing everything in its power to make sure that the environment is a total shit hole.  I've never seem so much determination in my life to destroy the work of decades in such a short time.  I don't know how we let this happen.  And yes, we let this happen.  It's on our watch that this destruction is going on.  I've worked for years volunteering for the environment and all things green and unfortunately I've decided to back out of the majority of my volunteer gigs.  After getting a bunch of shit from the new kids on the block I decided that at my age, the wonderful age of 70, that I don't need the aggravation.  My health is definitely not what it once was; I love the new house we purchased last year; and my husband needs more of my time than before.  All perfectly good reasons for me to find myself more time for myself.  Right now I'm only volunteering with one not for profit and I"m working on the election campaign of someone.  After the election I'll have more time to spend with my husband and on my house.  Oh yes, I'm still facilitating discussion courses for the not for profit, which I enjoy a lot plus I'm always learning something new.  

I sit here looking out the window at the sunshine and the palm trees and realize that in spite of everything I could complain about, I am an incredibly lucky woman.  I'm alive, which is better than some, I'm working on my health, I love my husband, my kids, my grandkids, I have a few really true friends, I love my house and especially my garden, and I'm looking forward to whatever the future holds for me.

I think it's really important to have a good outlook on life.  If you don't have that, I believe that your road will be very rocky and  your destination will be unclear.